Things change and I must accept them and adapt, or refuse them and move on.  There is something that I don't like that is part of something I love.  I have 3 choices:
    1.) Accept the negative in order to not reject the positive
    2.) Reject the negative and lose the positive
    3.) Accept the whole thing in it's entirety and realize that my attachment to the part I love can no longer be as intense and as strong as it was because it is now 'tainted' (for          a lack of a better word).

I have to remember the past because it helps me deal with the present and prepare for the future.  In reading some of my previous posts, I realized that Flaco's untimely passing and my response to it prepared me for my response mode Memorial Day Weekend 2006. 

**********************************************

I am beat but not broken, weary but not worn,
dealing with many things I feel but not shown.
I often wonder how my story will finish -
Strong and Determined or Weak and Diminshed?
I can't be just one thing - that's so limited
I have to be more ,but right now I'm just not feeling it.
So what do I do?  Continue in Auto-Pilot?
Nah - you know me.  I'ma fight it.
But I need help..........

It's 94 degrees outside and I have the heater on in my office.  Why?  Because this building is FREEEEEEEEEZING cold!

**That is All**

I am now *officially* a Virginian.  Bleah   After avoiding the financing company for about 6 months and after being booted by the great Commonwealth for not paying property taxes on my FLORIDA REGISTERED vehicle....I finally sucked it up and did the inevitable.  I called myself getting to the DMV before they opened at 8 a.m. on Saturday morning.  Well, about 65 other people had the same thought (or maybe they are just more familiar with the VA DMV) because the line was wrapped around the building waiting for the doors to unlock!   Soooooooooooooooooo I waited at the DMV for 3 hours to get a VA license and tags for Cor-E (my Corolla).  Screaming kids, Service Desk employees reminding everyone to return the clipboards and inkpens, Service Reps with MUCH attitude, nervous first time drivers, RUDE employees.....need I say more?  I couldn't leave totally appeased - that would be too much like right.  I found out that I needed to have an emissions test done on my car so I could order special personalized tags (I gotta rep my school).  Okay that meant another 2 + hours at the dealership.  Oh yeah, there was a garage that advertised "Emissions Testing" right next door, but I took example from my LS in car repair. 

She bought her Corolla not too long after me, and got regular oil changes at the neighborhood service station.  One day while driving to work her BRAND NEW 2006 Toyota Corolla gave out on her right as she got off I-395.  No fun, as you Beltway readers, can imagine.  When she took it to the Toyota dealership they informed her that there was no oil filter on the car. Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.  Turns out the neighborhood service station didn't secure it tightly (I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt and not assuming that they just altogether didn't put it back on) which caused the oil to burn out and the motor to blow.  Everyone's pointing fingers but things lead back to the neighborhood shop.  Toyota won't cover it because it was a Certified Toyota Service Center; Insurance says it's a negligence issue and, therefore, not covered on their end; Neighborhood service station says they performed the oil change 3 months prior to the damage. 

Anyhoo - I only take my car to Toyota for ANY service.  No matter how much the inflated costs burn me......

So I go the the dealership to get the emissions tests performed and have them put on the new tags (uuuuuuugh).  Another 3 hours.  It was 2 p.m. before I made it back home.  Aren't Saturdays meant for sleeping in? sheesh.  A nap was well deserved, since I'd been up since 7 a.m.

So now I must order my specialized tags.  Dimples returns.

Ciao

...just at a loss of motivation for blogging.   I have to do it when the mood strikes me....otherwise I don't feel like it.

Please keep all individuals affected by Monday's events at Virginia Tech in your thoughts and prayers. 

Repost this pic on your various sites to show your support.

I'm tired of people avoiding the issues. 

Imus is fired, yes, but he's not the issue.  The issue is the Black Woman in America.  She's tossed aside to focus on Freedom of Speech, Music Industry, and Corporate Responsibility.  She's forgotten amidst a sea of cultural words and the debate surrounding who can use them.  Her "spokespeople" don't fully address her issues; they don't give a voice to her issues of self worth, self-esteem, lack of respect, and social hierarchy.  She's pushed aside once again.  My co-worker said it best here.

Virginia Tech suffered a great tragedy yesterday, and people are affirming their right to bear arms.  What about every single person who heard rounds of ammunition being fired off two hours apart on different ends of campus?  This isn't about gun control or the right to bear arms.  This is about a community of individuals who need support, help and counseling.  They need our love and our offerings of comfort, our prayers and our thoughts; they need our respect.

I thought I was disproportioned when it came to my extremities.  But this chick is 5' 9" tall, weighs 110 lbs and wears a size 11 shoe.

That chick has HUGE feet. Apparently, that's why she always stands in that pigeon-toed stance.  I won't ever complain about my 9 1/2's anymore.

On another note, I'm beginning to get clarity on what I want in my next phase of my life.  I can see the end product - how I get there is a whole different story.  The more I talk myself through it and talk with others around me, the more I will begin to understand what path it is that I should take.

Surely those of you who keep up with regular news have heard about the infamous comments by Don Imus and his producer last week in regards to the women's basketball team at Rutgers.  "Nappy Headed Hos" is what he called them. 

Yes....he called them that; and then went so far as to reference Spike Lee's movie "Skool Daze" and call them Jigaboos. 

Now, aside from the actual comments that were made, I am more outraged at the chosen 'spokespeople' in response and the lack of response from others.  First off, as a Black Woman, I am flabbergasted that it took feminist and other organizations a few days to respond.  NOW recently launched their "Dump Don" campaign.  The NAACP released this statement yesterday.  I feel as though all the reaction to Imus' statements, including his apology (I'll address that later), came only after having received so much hype in the media.  If they had called them "Nappy Headed N****s EVERY single civil rights/African American organization would have screamed bloody murder.  Alas, he was only referring to Black women.  The lack of immediate response solidifies our place on the bottom of the social totem pole. 

**Sucks teeth**

CHILE BOO!!!

Guess who was the most outspoken individual?  Rev. Al Sharpton.  And who accompanied him on the Today Show?  Rev. Jesse Jackson.  I'm sorry, but who appointed these two as the National Black Spokespeople?  Surely nobody asked me.  I swear, my skin boils every time I hear either one of them talk.

Imus' apology?  Yeah right.  He didn't know it was offensive?  He is sincerely sorry for what he said?  Yeah - only after people have blown up his spot and called for his immediate dismissal.  You can't tell me a radio host of his political caliber didn't realize his words were highly offensive and repugnant.  He's been in the radio industry for years.  He hasn't been under a rock all his life. 

His punishment?  2 weeks suspension.  Heaven forbid he said "Nappy Headed B!th3s" - he would have gotten 3 weeks suspension.

***Oh, and don't think this type of thing happens only in the U.S.***

*EDIT*
I feel it important to address the fact that many people aren't livid because of the fact that America hears much worse if they were to buy most Hip Hop CD's out or venture over to see some of the misogynistic videos showcased on cable.  What's different is the social, racial, and gender discrimination his 3 words caused.  Not to mention Imus is a nationally syndicated radio talk show.  While most people have to purchase the music distributed by artists or request the music on the radio - Imus is PAID to talk on the radio.  It's his JOB.  Let me go into my job and call someone Trailer Trash.  See how long I last. 

It's about accountability.  We have to hold those accountable who proclaim to speak for and represent citizens of America.

It's April.  And I'm wearing gloves and a heavy coat to work.  It is 54 degrees outside.

I miss Florida right about now.

Well, I haven't really been on here regularly in a while.  Many reasons exist for that, however, I won't expand on them any more than I have in my few previous posts.  Just know that I'm like John Mayer's song "Repair."  It's a good track - you should check it out. 

So MySweetiePie and I were previewing his new place and we got on the discussion of my appearance.  I don't quite remember how it evolved but he basically told me that I didn't really know what I wanted to do with myself, and I was searching for my next 'fix.'  He deduced that I would eventually turn to drug use.   According to him this was my first 'fix':

This was my second 'fix':

This was my third and most recent 'fix':

So, I've gone from this:

to this:

My response:  "So what you're basically saying is that I'm trying to 'find myself'."  While I essentially understand where he was going, I don't fully agree.  I look at this past year as an awakening.  I think the biggest thing I've learned is that while I can't change the past, I can learn from it and undo my mistakes.  That inspired me to get my next tattoo.  The Andinkra symbol Sankofa - return and get it.  The importance of learning from the past.

So, while I continue to "find" myself - I'll be filling you in on the details along the way.

I'm back - for now.