September 12, 2006
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Still Circling...
"This past year has come full circle for me, in so many ways, and my quest for finding Reno has been a major part of it."
Little did I know that it was still circling right after that entry. One of the things I have come to realize is that this feeling of loss does not go away. I have to learn to deal with it as part of my routine. I think I expected it to be like a broken relationship (or at least my past ones) - I can cut myself off from it completely if I want to. That's my way of maintaining control of the relationship. But this is different. I have no control of the things that constantly remind me of Char. I have not learned to deal completely with the grief that surfaces from time to time, and I have *just* realized that I can't learn to "deal" with it. I have to accept it, for to deny the grief is to deny Char's place in my life.
I question a lot of things in my life, including God, and some things I just can't reconcile right now mainly my relationship with Him. I am not saying anything against Him, it is just taking a lot of time for me to understand. I am reading the Bible more now than before, tryingt to find answers that I need. I pray for understanding while understanding that it may not come. That is what I can't accept. I can't be like Job.
And so my circle continues......
Comments (2)
WOW, is that your mom in that wedding photo with the blue dress. The only way I'm thinking that is because y'all look JUST alike... with the dimples and all.
Girl, you'll work through the loss. I was just thinking about you and the last time I read this, that you had lost your friend.
Stay in prayer and just remember that whenever people are taken away, they did what they were here to do and the Lord said, OK time to go.
Be blessed girl *hugs*
I am at this point as well Dimples. Miss FJB is right on......
Pray for me and know that I am praying for you.
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