October 22, 2007

  • Sensitivity

    I had a dream one night about my mother.  It was rather weird - as my
    dreams tend to be.  I was in an airport-like setting with a college
    friend (a politician), introducing him to my mother and the rest of my immediate
    family.  He talked with her like they were old friends and his words to me at the end of the interaction "She's so
    sensitive...watch out, she'll lash out at you so that you don't strike
    first." Aren't dreams about your mother really about you?

    "You're such a sensitive being."  That's what a BFF said.  Yes, I am.  Ever heard the phrase "Lash out or be lashed at"?  That's me.  My sarcasm and edge comes from the need to protect my internal feelings.  I learned it as a little kid.  The biggest bully is always the most sensitive person.  Not that I'm a bully or anything, but I'm known to not mince my words or hold my tongue.  Tact is the act of telling the truth without making an enemy........I'm mastering it. 

October 19, 2007

  • Just Being

    I'm losing weight.  NOT A GOOD LOOK.  I know why and I know what I need to do.

    I
    just
    don't
    want
    to
    do
    anything.

    For the most part, I'm unmotivated to do anything but nothing.  I'm eating junk food or whatever looks good at the moment to satiate my appetite at that particular moment.  I eat one meal a day because I know I need something, but I have no desire to do much of anything, including eat. 

    I focus on other things so that I don't have to focus on me.  That is my nature - I've seen it over and over in my behavior for the past few years.  My S/hero told me to put 10% of the energy I'm putting into another situation into ME (she knows my tendencies).

    Truth is, I'm running on Life Auto-Pilot.  I do just enough to stay under the radar.  I attend just enough outings to have a little fun.  Every chance I get, I either veg out on the couch or sleep. 

    I haven't completely lost it.  I know I need help, and I've attempted in the past but it wasn't to my liking.  I'm reaching out again and hoping that I can be more open and receiving this time around.

October 18, 2007

  • 30 Statements

    I took this from my MySpace blog because I think it's worth the repeat

    Post this in a blog

    Rules:
    1) Write a statement about someone that you've never said to them.

    2) DO NOT indicate to anyone who these statements belong to.

    3) Try not to repeat a statement.

    4) Have fun, be serious/honest, be nerdy or horny. Just do, something. (Piph's rule)

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    1) It's taken me a long time to realize all the lessons you were teaching me, but I think I'm finally understanding.
     
    2) You are the most stable influence in my life and I can't imagine how it would be without you there for support and guidance
     
    3) You've always been someone I've admired.
     
    4) Everytime I think about you - I smile with my heart.
     
    5) You are a bigger influence on me than you realize.
     
    6)
    Nowadays, you only call me when you need something, anything from me. 
    Friends aren't like that.  I'll eventually stop answering your calls if
    it continues. 
     
    7) I really hope that you are happy. 
     
    8) I really don't like you as much as you think I do.  We're not that cool. 
     
    9) No matter what you think or say, you really do think it is all about you.
     
    10) If I were the type to regret something - it would involve you.
     
    11) I'm glad you made that decision all those years ago.
     
    12) We are more alike than I care to admit.
     
    13) No matter how much I tease you, you are one of the BADDEST chicks I know on this earth.
     
    14) I wasn't hurt by what you did; I was hurt by who you told.
     
    15) Because of what you did, I have a very hard time trusting men and taking compliments. 
     
    16) I really want you to get yourself together.  You can do so much if only you put forth continuous, positive effort.
     
    17) I've admired you since I first met you.
     
    18) I've always thought you are one of the smartest men I know.
     
    19) You are more than you think you are.
     
    20) I never wanted to talk to you after you made that statement.
     
    21)
    I really don't understand how you looked at yourself in the mirror
    everyday and stood before the church and called yourself A Man of God.
     
    22) You will be the Superstar you think you are.
     
    23) I can't wait to see the person you are in 10 years.
     
    24) I wish we would have talked more.
     
    25) I hope you stop lying to yourself one day.
     
    26) You saved me.
     
    27) I know what you said about me.  I also know you are sorry for what you said without you having to tell me.
     
    28) I think you're old fashioned....still.
     
    29) I am coming to see you...it's just taking me a little while longer to get the strength and courage.
     

    30) Sometimes I still think you're too young to know.

October 17, 2007

  • Jena (Take Your Nooses Down)

    I can't figure out how to embed videos in Xanga.  They might not allow it in the web posting.....but watch the video here.

    "Jena"
    Written by John Mellencamp

    An all white jury hides the
    executioner's face
    See how we are, me and you?
    Everyone here needs to know
    their place
    Let's keep this blackbird hidden in the flue

    Oh oh oh
    Jena
    Oh oh oh Jena
    Oh oh oh Jena
    Take your nooses down

    So what
    becomes of boys that cannot think straight
    Particularly those with paper bag
    skin
    Yes sir, no sir we'll wipe that smile right off your face
    We've got
    our rules here and you must fit in

    Oh oh oh Jena
    Oh oh oh Jena
    Oh
    oh oh Jena
    Take your nooses down

    Some day some way sanity will
    prevail
    But who knows when that day might come
    A shot in the dark, well it
    just might find its way
    To the hearts of those that hold the keys to kingdom
    come

    Oh oh oh Jena
    Oh oh oh Jena
    Oh oh oh Jena
    Take those nooses
    down

    Oh oh hey Jena
    Oh oh Jena
    Oh oh Jena
    Take your nooses
    down

    Take those nooses all down

    (c) 2007 John Mellencamp

  • Be Honest

    These are my thoughts and these are my feelings.  Either I can choose to be honest with you or I can choose not to. I know that there will be consequences, reactions, and responses based on what I write here.  Can I deal with your opinion and perception of me?  Yes, because I don't really know you.  Can I deal with my family's and friends' opinions and perceptions of me?  Maybe.  I see them on a regular basis.  I interact with them all the time.  I'm concerned about what they think of me if and when they read my entries.  How will what I express here affect their opinion of and interaction with me?  Will my words hurt them? 

    I think the bigger question for me is would I say everything I write here to their face?  If not, if I am not truly honest here and open about how I feel and what I think, am I being honest with them?

    To Be Continued......

October 16, 2007

  • Thoughts

    If you haven't already seen it, go see "Why Did I Get Married?"  I promise you will laugh until your stomach hurts.  I have to go see it again because you know everyone laughs just a little too long/loud/much and I missed some of the dialogue.

    I cooked curry chicken that didn't really taste curry-like.  The recipe called for 3 ounces of curry powder - that's a lot by weight so I did it by volume.  Maybe it will be better once today since it had a chance to sit overnight.  I didn't really care for The Boondocks episode last night.  It was obviously written for Season 1 when Usher was dominant everywhere.  They should have used Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr.  HOTNESS!!!

    What happened to Angie Stone's afro?!  Check out a free preview of her new album "The Art of Love and War" at AOL.

    MSP said he's not buying any Christmas gifts this year except for his smallest neices.  I don't really know how I feel about that.  I'm not offended because I know that if I want something I can ask him.  I'll still buy him a gift.

    *********************************
    Every human being has been blessed with a unique nature that cannot be altered by outside forces. 

    I had an idea of this the first time around.  This time around, I know that she'll come to her own realizations in her own time.  She is intelligent and vulnerable.  I'm more concerned about her mental health and well-being.  I pray that she gets the healing she needs, and if G-d's will is for her to remain in the relationship, I pray that He heals it so that it is all that she deserves.  I have my message from this experience and I appreciate the realizations it's given me. 

    I'm here no matter what happens.  I'd hate to have to Harrel Franklin Braddy him.

October 15, 2007

  • Love Continued....

    Love doesn't ask you to Choose It over anything.
    Love Knows that you will make mistakes.
    Love is Caring.
    Love Heals.
    Love Builds you up.
    Love doesn't Break you down.
    Love doesn't Blame you.
    Love is Strong.
    Love is Equal.

October 11, 2007

  • Love

    Love is eternal.
    Love is unconditional.
    Love doesn't demean or disrespect.
    Love waits patiently until you're ready.
    Love teaches you things you never knew about yourself
    Love hurts, but is never hurtful.
    Love means sacrifice, not self-absorption.
    Love understands you intrinsically.
    Love satisfies the soul.
    Love complements and compliments.
    Love shines through the darkest times.
    Love is eternal.

  • I'll Stop Interfering

     

    October 11, 2007
    Interfering
    Lessons Of Reflection


    When we care about people, we want to save them from pain by offering
    them the benefit of our experience. Sometimes we feel like we know what
    is best for them. Sometimes, like when their safety is involved, we
    need to step in, but those times are rare. More often we find ourselves
    becoming frustrated when our close friends or family members do not use
    our relationship insights or follow our dietary advice, and this is
    where we find our challenge. We may even find ourselves becoming angry
    when they choose another path. This strength of feeling is usually a
    sign that our motivations go beyond merely helping another to indicate
    that there is a lesson there for us.

    First, we need to keep in mind that each of us is on our own path and
    that we all learn differently. When we trust the universe, we know that
    there is a higher power at work that knows what is best for our loved
    one. Since we do not want to deny them experiences of deep feeling that
    are essential steps in the growth of their spirit, we can instead offer
    them our counsel. After we have given our gift, it is time to release
    it, along with our expectations of them and their choices, with love.

    Once that is done, we can remind ourselves that our relationships are
    mirrors that allow us to see ourselves more clearly in the reflection.
    That is why it is easier for us to see solutions to other people’s
    problems than to see answers for our own. We can also learn from these
    experiences when we ask ourselves if we ever do the same thing. Maybe
    we do not share experiences with relationships, but we do with our
    finances or our food choices. In being willing to look at ourselves and
    see why we are being irritated by what other people choose to do with
    their lives, we can be like an oyster and make irritations into pearls.
    With these pearls of wisdom, we learn to release the desire for control
    over others and instead enrich their lives as we enrich our own.

    ********************************
    I needed that message more than any today.  I actually could have used it a few weeks ago, but I don't think I would have fully comprehended what the message was then.  I have to let others live their life, no matter what my opinion is, as long as it's not detrimental to their health.

    ********************************

    I hope she can see the sunshine through all of this rain.  I pray that God alleviates her pain.  I know that she will come out on top.  I know that our bond is forever bound.  She is my sister.

October 3, 2007

  • Boondocks

    My FAVORITE show, The Boondocks, is returning!!!!  The new season premieres Monday, October 8th, at 11:30pm on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim.

    WOO HOO!!!