....and I still feel her here.  I now have a different perspective of Aaliyah's untimely death.  Although it is still saddening, it is still very important to continue to celebrate her life in every way possible.

A message from the Haughton Family

"We greatly appreciate everyone's love and well wishes over the past 5 years. You are constantly loving of Aaliyah; honoring her and the Haughton Family and we will never forget what you have done. Thou it has been five years, it really has not been that long as we are still reeling from the year of 2001. We all have come a very long way and we recognize that however, we have lost so much.

Aaliyah is no longer with us on this earth but we have come far enough to understand that she is all around us and she is always here for us. On the 25th of every year, we donate money to a charity on behalf of the Aaliyah Memorial Fund. Aaliyah is here, she is still here, giving, caring, loving. We will never be the same after August 25th 2001 but we know there is a place that we will all end up one day. A place where Aaliyah is waiting and all of us are going to make it there… we will all make it.

We love everyone of you who and appreciate everyone who has done something in Aaliyah's name big or small. Whatever it is you all have done, it means the world to us. As long as every year, you remember Aaliyah and her friends on August 25th, we know in our hearts everything is going to be alright.

All our love, from the bottom of our hearts, to the depths of our souls...

Until again...

With Aaliyah In our Hearts... The Haughton Family

P.S. Someday we will come and join you all in honoring and loving baby girl...  In time..."

~  ~  ~  ~  ~

5 Years Later... We Remember...

Open Invite
Directions to Ferncliff
New York City Candlelight Vigil - 7:00PM EST, Friday August 25, 2006
(at Aaliyah's Weeping Willow Tree in Central Park)

Zingy Special Promotion: The Aaliyah Memorial Fund has partnered with Zingy who is offering Aaliyah's Ringtones and Wallpapers with 100% of the profits raised to be donated to the Aaliyah Memorial Fund which benefits the causes Aaliyah supported. For the SMS download codes, please visit the Aaliyah Ringtone and Wallpaper Page at Zingy.com. For more information about the Charities the Aaliyah Memorial Fund supports, please visit Aaliyah.com.
We ask every Aaliyah fan to download a Wallpaper or a Ringtone to support the Aaliyah Memorial Fund. It is easy ~ just click the Zingy link ~ this is an easy way to help the Aaliyah Memorial Fund.

The 2007 Aaliyah Official 16 Month Calendars have arrived and are now shipping. We only printed a limited number of calendars and these will be hard to find in stores so be sure to order your copy now before they sell out. Please support the Aaliyah Memorial Fund and keep Baby Girl's memory alive...

In closing, please Add Aaliyah as your Friend on Myspace at www.myspace.com/aaliyah and leave a remembrance message...

With Aaliyah In Our Hearts...

That is a barracuda I reeled in during a deep sea fishing trip this past weekend in Florida.  I didn't catch it....they had poles set up with special lures.  Once the fish took the bait, one of the crew members came to pick me (of all people) to reel it in.  I did catch a few on my own once I recalled how to bait the hook so that I didn't just feed the fish.  heeheehee.

I recently learned that my way of dealing with certain emotions is a defense mechanism I learned very early in my childhood years.  It was an "Aha!" moment for me....but not so much ! as it was .... .  It was very difficult for me to put 2 and 2 together.  The stubborness still prevails.

New Year's Eve 2003 - our first one with all of us together.  We had so much fun that night, only because we were together.  Rai was living in Atlanta at the time, and we all traveled to see her.  C-lah was just moving back to Florida, literally, and Charmane was in Tampa at the time.  Char helped C-lah drive down to Florida from Ohio in Effie, C-lah's tempermental car, and then they headed right back up to Atlanta.  It took Char describing how the car handled hills to put us all in stitches of laughter.  That was the first time I met Dannie.  I remember thinking how much C-lah and Dannie are alike - always adding humor to discussions and just being silly.  That night we were trying to get into a popular club, but Rai heard about another place so we opted to go there instead.  We pulled up and noticed that everyone in line was over 40. We were .  It was too late to drive back across town to the other spot, and we refused to bring in 2004 standing in line.  C-lah said "We're just gonna have to make our own fun," and that's exactly what we did.  We headed straight to the bar to keep our spirits elevated and danced the night away.  The DJ got a special burst of excitement from us when he played some back in the day South Florida music - JT Money, Uncle Luke, 95 South, Poison Clan, etc.  C-lah and I were tickled at the sight of Dannie trying to manuever away from a guy dancing on her. 

Those days were great and too short for me.  Rai, Char, C-lah, and Dannie plotted on ways for me to call in to work so I wouldn't have to leave so soon.  I was able to capture special memories of us being soooo silly at Rai's.  It was the bestest New Year I've ever had.

I was in my bathroom yesterday getting the washclothes and towels to add to the dirty laundry pile.  When I turned around I saw something brown scurrying under the door to the laundry closet.  I gasped and stood there frozen.  I only saw the end of the creature.  I thought I saw a tail.  I know I saw legs, maybe feet, but it was dark brown.  Now, being the Florida girl that I am, the only thing that is dark brown, that dark brown, is a cockroach (Palmetto bug, what have you), and I've seen many of those before.  But I thought I saw a tail.  A mouse?  A rat, perhaps, because I've never seen a dark brown mouse.  At any rate, I called maintenance - still frozen in the bathroom - and asked if someone could come look inside and tell me what it is.  If it's a roach, I can Raid it out.  If it's a mouse/rat - I'm out.  Alas, no one could come out on a Sunday, so I made arrangements to stay elsewhere.  Great -  I finally muster up the energy to do laundry and then a creature stops me dead in my tracks. 

I'm more afraid of not knowing what it is.  Knowledge is power, indeed.  This morning I realized it may just be a lizard.  Regardless of what it is, it has free reign in my apartment.  GASP

**Dannie is featured in this article printed in New Orleans.  She's amazing.   I have commited myself to making a donation every year in Dannie's name.  It's one of the ways I can continue her legacy.**

Hahnville loses a mentor and a friend
Counselor's death leaves a void in students and co-workers' lives
By Michael Luke	Jun 29, 2006 Print Email to Friend
Danielle Shareef, a Hahnville counseler killed in a car accident By the age of 36, Danielle Shareef had led, by most accounts, a full life. She had played college basketball at Big Eight powerhouse Kansas University and professionally in the United States and overseas in Israel. Once her athletic career was over, Shareef moved on to better her mind, obtaining a master's degree from the University of New Orleans, was working on her PhD and had a job she loved as a counselor for troubled teens at Hahnville High School. Those that knew her said Danielle had so much more to give the world, describing her as a woman that strove to help others. She was never satisfied, working in Alternative Programs, which deals with and assists at-risk children. "She worked with students that had a hard time fitting into a traditional classroom, but not only behavioral problems. One child was terminally ill, another who had had a child and another who had had anger issues," Denyse Keller a fellow colleague and friend at Hahnville. "For whatever reason, these kids didn't quite fit in the classroom." Nonetheless, Keller and another fellow co-worker Rica Souillier said Shareef was always there for the children, giving them advice or choices to better themselves. Yet all of those achievements were swept away in the blink of an eye, as Shareef was tragically killed in an automobile accident in Tampa on May 26. "She often spoke of her beliefs that if you cultivate today's youth with strong values and positive relationships you can inspire them to attain a healthy lifestyle, become their own role model and make wise choices. She often shared her ideas and philosophy with others through collaboration, presenting at conferences and working at summer youth camps," recalled Keller. Not satisfied with only helping children in St. Charles Parish, Shareef spent her summers helping one of America's most troubled youths: Native American children. The program called Native Vision fosters school completion, self-esteem, cultural attachment and healthy lifestyles. Shareef traveled to the American Southwest donating her time to help the indigenous population that is plagued with teen pregnancy, alcoholism and drug addiction. In one summer, Shareef showed more altruism than most can display in a lifetime. Working with troubled teens, is, by most accounts, a stressful job that offers little compensation, but that never slowed Shareef down or diminished her zeal to bring the best for her children. As to what drove her to help those at risk, Keller thought Shareef's upbringing had a great deal to do with it. "She came from a very difficult background, and she was one who believed education could get you over every hurdle," said Keller. "I believe the she really thought she could make a difference everyday when she got up in the morning." While Shareef is described as opening her heart and ears to anyone in need, she did exercise a modicum of tough love with her students. "She made her children except responsibility for their decisions, growing and learning from them and making changes," said Keller. "She didn't beat around the bush; she hit things straight on with them." Both Keller and Souillier think that Shareef's athletic background had a great deal to with how she treated the children, who, according to both, miss and ask about Shareef regularly. Shareef's friends on the basketball court described her in the same motivated and determined manner. This competitive fire drove her to be the best and never give up, and Shareef was determined to instill that in her students. Danielle had been forced by Hurricane Katrina to continue her doctorate at Georgia State University in Atlanta, since UNO was temporarily shut down. But even that did not stop her from coming to graduation this year at Hahnville. She was, first and foremost, dedicated to her kids. Her former coach at Kansas, Marian Washington, called her death a "tragedy," and said the world will sorely miss her. "We miss her in the office," said Keller, saying that working with her was true joy Shareef's family said that a fund has been established in Danielle's memory. Those wanting to donate can send funds to Johns Hopkins University. Mail the check to Native Vision National Office, 621 N Washington St., Baltimore M.D. 21205, Attn: Marlena Hammen.

I was in CVS the other day in the self check-out line when I heard a noise behind me, like a hissing sound.  I heard it again and when I turned around I saw a woman stooped down in front of the hygiene section spraying deodarant under her arms.  When she finished, she put the can back on the shelf.

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What normally is a 30 minute, door-to-door, commute to work took 3 hours on Monday due to the flash floods on Sunday night.  I'm sure Lady_Soulful can attest to the chaos.

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I have tickets to the Sugar Water Festival on August 13.   I just have to figure out how to be in two places at once.  I previously told my grandmother that I would go to the family reunion this year, and today I found out it's the same weekend as the concert.    I know she won't ever let me forget it if I don't go.  I may just have to drive down for the day but I don't know if I'm ready for that. 

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I honestly don't know what normal feels like anymore.  I try to be normal but it just doesn't feel right.  I think I do a pretty good job at it until someone talks about Char and Dannie in the past.  There is still some denial inside that I can't deal with just yet.  I will need help.

This is my favorite picture of DDG.  This was the first Memorial Day Weekend we were all together.  We decided to go to Miami and take in everything that was called "Luke's Freakfest."  C-lah flew in from Cleveland, I drove in from Central Florida, Char came down with her "best friend, Zachary" (she always said that exact phrase when she talked about him), and Rai came down from Atlanta.  This particular day, we had just finished eating at Friday's (FREE, thanks to my management privileges at the time ) and on the way back to the hotel we got caught in the rain.  We were about two blocks away and it POURED.  We sought shelter for a quick second to take off our shoes and haul ass!  We ran with two guys who were staying a few doors down from us in the hotel.  C-lah was really concerned about her hair getting wet, so one of the guys gave her his towel.  When we reached the lobby, we looked at one another and burst into laughter at taking off our shoes to run in the rain so our hair wouldn't get wet.  I asked the guy to take our picture. 

That was one of the best weekends ever.  We saw so many of our college friends, and had many "spirited" nights.  I remember C-lah and I holding each other up while walking back to the hotel from the beach.  We were pepping each other up: "Come on, we can make it....we can do it."  I won a World's Record that weekend, according to Char:  World's Longest Pee.  We acted silly, laughed hard, stalked celebrities, took random pictures, and started one of our DDG rituals of passing the Clove.

Missing You

CHORUS
Though I'm missing you
(Although I'm missing you)
I'll find a way to get through
(I'll find a way to get through)
Living without you
'Cause you were my sister, my strength, and my pride
Only God may know why, still I will get by

Verse:
BRANDY:
Who would have known that you'd have to go
So suddenly, so fast
And how could it be, that a sweet memory
Would be all, all that we'd have left
TAMIA:
Now that you're gone, everyday I go on(I go on)
But life's just not the same (life's just not the same)
I'm so empty inside, and my tears I can't hide
But I'll try, I'll try to face the pain

(Chorus)

Verse:
GLADYS:
Oh, there were so many things
That we could have shared (uh-huh)
If time was on our side (Time was on our side)
Ooh, yea
Now that you're gone, I can still feel you near
So I'll smile with every tear I cry

Chorus

Bridge:
CHAKA:
How sweet, we're the closest of friends.
But I'll wait for the day,
When I'll see you again,
I'll see you again.

(Chorus 2x)

I'm missing you

There are good moments and bad ones, sometimes right after each other.  I still find myself picking up the phone, dialing her number.  I'll be at my desk and just burst into tears.  Sometimes things are 'normal.'  Other times I'm still in so much disbelief.  I can talk to some people, and most others I don't have any inclination to pretend I'm okay.  I still can't talk about those 2 days completely without tears.  I don't think I've been able to tell the whole story in one sitting.  The short of it is that about an hour away from Tampa, a semi truck (only the cab part) clipped the car, causing Danielle to lose control.  I talked to Char at 11:00am that morning.  The accident happened at 11:45am.  By the time we knew what happened it had been a long day, and the rest of everything was just beginning.

I'll be back....sometime.....

This weekend was supposed to fun on the beach.  It was the complete opposite.

Charmane and Danielle were in a car accident right outside of Tampa and did not survive.  I thought I could write about it but I just can't. 

Charmane C. Walker    December 12, 1979 - May 26, 2006

Danielle S. Shareef       February 8, 1970 - May 26, 2006

I've had my suitcase packed since Saturday in preparation for the Annual DDG Memorial Day/My Birthday Celebration Weekend.  I'm a little anxious, in case you can't tell.  

I'm so ready for the sun, even though there is a 30% chance of rain everyday of the weekend.  I'm not worried.  Rain in Florida is different than rain in D.C.  Florida rain is furiously hard for 5-10 minutes then it's over and the sun is shining bright.  Sometimes you can see the evaporation of the water as it hits the sidewalk.  D.C. rain is dreary and misty alllllllllllllllll day.  No sunlight or even the hint of such.  It's very depressing.

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I haven't figured out what to do with my Custom Module, yet, but I am teetering between 2 ideas.  Xanga is trying to compete with MySpace, I see.  Footprints (even if the state isn't 100% accurate), Photo Blogs, Friends, etc.  It seems like every other day in the news I read a story where a teen's plot to cause mischief is foiled by authorities because they found it posted on MySpace.

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Aren't you glad Danielle won America's Next Top Model!?!   I really wasn't expecting that one - I was sure Joanie was the chosen girl.  It was hard for me to keep up with The Amazing Race because CBS moved it to Wednesday nights at 8pm - the same timeslot for ANTM on UPN.  I usually flipped back and forth between the two shows.  Ray and Yolanda made it farther than I thought they would, and I was really pushing for them in the end.  They just couldn't get it together.  I think we all knew it would be the Hippies taking home the prize.  I was crushed one week when both of my favorites were eliminated:  Nnenna on ANTM and Fran & Barry on AR.

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A phone call I made to C-lah one day:

"Lemme tell you about this disgusting White man..."

C-lah: "Girl, what's wrong?"

"I'm picking out mangoes in the produce section and I feel someone walk up close behind me.  'Mmmmm.  Tasty,' I hear come from behind.  I turn around to see this raggedy White man pushing a cart with a toddler in it."

C-lah: "Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha"

"Wait, lemme tell you the rest.  I hear him talking to his daughter, I presume, 'Yes, she is fine, isn't she?'  You know my face was all twisted up at him in disgust.  And to make it worse, he's following me!"

C-lah:  "BAH-HA-HA-HA!  What do you have on, a bikini?"

"NO!  I have on a sweater and a long skirt - my church clothes!!!!  You'd think I was wearing next to nothing, but the only skin that's showing is my hands and my ankles - it's cold here."

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As mean as people say I look, I must have something in my appearance that makes people think I'm approachable.  One particular instance sticks out in my mind:

I was going to New York on AmTrak, and needed to change my ticket because I missed my first train.  While waiting in line, I noticed this White man staring at me.  At first I didn't pay it much attention because I'd had a frustrating time getting to Union Station that morning.  You know how you can feel eyes on you?  I looked up and saw him just looking at me - like he was observing my every move.  I noticed he had a wife and daughter with him.  I changed my ticket then went to get something to eat.  When I sat down I felt eyes on me again.  It was him.   I started to read my book when a woman came over to me.  "Excuse me, can I ask you a favor?"

"Um, sure."

"Are you going to Penn Station?"

"Yes."

"Would you mind walking with my daughter when you board the train?  She's terrified of escalators."  She points to her daughter and husband, and I look over to see the man who was staring at me earlier.

"Oh, okay. Sure, but I don't think there are escalators here before we board."

"Thanks.  I'm not sure of the layout here."

"No problem.  I'm Nikki, by the way."  We walk over to her family.

"Okay, Nikki, this is my daughter Jennifer and my husband.  She's meeting her sister in New York."

I learn that Jennifer is partially deaf and is visiting her older sister in college.  We sit next to each other on the train, and I help her find her sister when we get to Penn Station.  We did have to get on an escalator in New York, but Jenn did just fine.