Soooooo...today is 2 years since Char and Dannie left us.  It's STILL hard, more so now because the case is coming up.  I found out a tidbit of information regarding the case that just made me ANGRY all over again...and then sad.  Something so small had such an enormous impact on so many people.

C-lah and I laid out by the pool allllllllllll day today.  She made the observation that we all have such an impact on each other in such small ways...something that one of us likes we all start using it....something one of us says, we all start saying it.  For instance, when we first started going to South Beach to lay out, Char made us use this tanning accelerator with bronzer so we could be CHOCOLATE!!!  C-lah and I still use it to this day.  Linked Hearts....that's what we are, and that's my next tattoo, going on my right wrist.  Akoma ntoso - a symbol of understanding and agreement.  That's us!

It's my Born Day!!!

I woke up this morning at 3:00 a.m. to take MSP to the airport all the way out in Dulles....a 30 minute drive that early in the morning....for his 6:00 a.m. flight to the Dominican Republic for his Memorial Day Guy's Trip.....did I mention it's my birthday?

DDG planned to re-kindle the Memorial Day outing this year for old time's sake, but I don't think we're quite ready and schedules are still hectic.  We'll be together again on Memorial Day weekend when we're ready.

****************************************************
I went to Little Rock, AR last month for the conference.  Remember the conference that wasn't half way planned a week before?  So, I was supposed to leave in the middle of the conference, on a Wednesday, to attend a different conference in Baltimore on Thursday.  After seeing that my help would be needed for the big dinner on Wednesday night, I offered to change my flight that Tuesday.  So I changed the flight from Wednesday to Thursday morning (it had a layover in Chicago) and went to the airport as scheduled.  There was a mini-crisis/fiasco with the charter bus service that morning and things were still very hectic when I left the hotel (Sign One).  I went to the airport and when they called the flight to board, a gentleman stood up and made a public announcement.  His father was a police officer in Chicago and had been shot the night before.  He was in surgery as they spoke and he was able to make the flight but his sister couldn't because all seats were sold.  The family asked the airline to ask people to change flights, similar to when the airline overbooks a flight.  The airline said they could not because it was a personal request, but the family could ask passengers to give up their seat (Sign Two).  I said a prayer immediately and told myself I would give up my seat if they needed it, even though I knew it would mean getting on ANOTHER flight with my boss who works ALL THE TIME.  As the airline employee called the flight to board, I went over the gentleman and asked if they were able to get a seat for his sister, and he told me no.  An older gentleman offered to change flights but wanted to see if the
airline could get him to Chicago in time for his commitment.  The
airline wouldn't pay for a different ticket (Sign Three).  I told him that I would give his sister my seat.  The sister and I went to the ticket counter and made the switch.  The brother offered to pay me, several times, to which I told him it was unnecessary.  He asked over and over if he could pay for a hotel room for me, and again, I told him it was unnecessary.  He asked me if there was anything he could do for me, to which I replied "Just be sure to get to your Father."  I gave them my contact information and said Goodbye.  I called my boss and told her I changed my flight and was on my way back to the conference. 

While I was typing the above bit about Memorial Day Weekend, I got an alert from Digsby (the best IM/E-mail/Social network manager application) about a Friend Request and a new message.  I went to the friend request first, and if you know my philosophy on FaceBook and MySpace, you know I don't accept friend invites/requests from strangers.  I didn't recognize the name or the picture, and the profile was private.  I almost hit "Deny," but went to check the messages first.  It was the sister from the Little Rock airport.  She said her father passed that following Monday and that she wanted to thank me, again, for giving up my seat on the plane.

Another instance of God working on me, helping me realize the good and not the sorrow (cuz I was surely about to cry when writing about Memorial Day Weekend).

********************************************

Did I mention it's my Born Day?

So, lately I've been waking up crying......I so know why.  My dreams lead me to Char which lead me to memories of times past which lead me to thoughts of that weekend...which lead to the tears.  I don't fight them anymore.  I let them sit there and marinate.

**As I am typing this, I feel the tears again......now my sister is calling me. God must know I need a distraction**

I'm going to Tampa in June for her and Dannie's case.  I know I have to do my part in telling everyone what jewels we lost 2 years ago. 

The last 10 days of May are an emotional rollercoaster for me......my birthday is the 21st, Char & Dannie passed on the 26th, and Reno passed on the 31st.  I hope my firstborn makes their debut during those 10 days.  I need something to balance the scales.

Here's my favorite Char pic......

We were at Faze 2 and she was wrappin' up for the night.  DJPankyJankins (LOL at how we just changed his name around) was hanging around with us and we were just trippin' out all night.  I told Char to say 'Cheese,' and that's just what she did.

A note I received on Facebook.  I think it's a great idea and there's one planned in DC later this month....

Friends:

The ENOUGH! Campaign™, an initiative developed by Wildseed Productions,
is a collective of independent artists, activist, and organizations
dedicated to the eradication of social injustice through artistic
expression.

We create radical media of consequence that challenges each of us to
take a stand for the transformation and liberation of the human spirit.

WE NEED YOUR PARTICIPATION TO HELP MAKE OUR FIRST PROJECT A SUCCESS:

I AM SEAN BELL!

The ENOUGH! Campaign is proud to announce the production of a short
form documentary / Public Service Announcement in honor of our slain
brother, SEAN BELL. This project will feature 50 African American males
(ages 1 – adult) armed with the message, "I AM SEAN BELL".

DATE: Saturday, May 17, 2008

TIME: 2:00 – 7:00 PM

WHERE: Brooklyn , NY / Ft. Greene Area / Playground, Adelphi St. We
will be sending additional information with exact location.

Who: Black Males Ages 1 – adult. Yes, we want the little ones,
toddlers, elementary school aged, teenagers as well as adults to
participate in this very important project.

Compensation: Catered Food, Face Painting, Games and activities for
children, gift bags, credit for participation in film and copy of the
film will be provided upon completion.

Help is needed in the following area:

Participants:

For those of you who have children, please consider bringing them out to participate in this project.

Although the focus of the project is African American boys, all
children are encouraged to participate. There will be playground shots
taken that will include children of all ages and backgrounds. Families
are encouraged to come out with their children and enjoy the
festivities for the day.

*all participants will be required to sign a release form, these forms
must also be signed by a parent or guardian for those participants
under the age of 18)

(contact us at 917-701-1042 or contact@enoughmovement.com

I took this from GoodEgg's blog:

Step 1: Put your MP3 player or whatever on random.
Step 2: Post the first line from the first 25 songs that play, no matter how embarrassing the song [try not to use the chorus].
Step 3: Post and let everyone you know guess what song and artist the lines come from.
Step 4: Strike through when someone gets them right
Step 5: Looking them up on Google or any other search engine is CHEATING.

1.   Loving you came easily/Yet it made me blind to all there was to see/Now my heart is filled with pain/
You understand I never will/How did it come to be that you don´t love me still?/Now it´s getting to be plain.

2.  
Can I kick it? To all the people who can Quest like A Tribe does/Before this, did you really know what live was?/Comprehend to the track, for it's why cuz/Gettin measures on the tip of the vibers (Can I Kick It? by A Tribe Called Quest - StoneColdBrown)

3.  
Looking at the ladies, all of them fly/I don't know which one I want dawg/I can't make up my mind, girl/So won't you make it easy on me?/
Take this drink, then hit this weed/Two step wit me, let's slip to the dance floor/On and on and on and on we go

4.  
We got the afternoon/You got this room for two/One thing I've left to do/Discover me, Discovering you/
One mile to every inch of/Your skin like porcelain/One pair of candy lips and Your bubblegum tongue

5.   It's not very often that we feel this way/No it's not everyday so where ever you are/Tell me what does it take if I call on you now/Saying I need you tonight, this very minute in time/How long will it take you from where you are to rush to my place?

6.  
Mo'fucker move back, I pursue rap at the pace of a New Jack/Miscellaneous numbers and shoes stack grooves/Rap I deliver for the hungry and underprivileged/Something different from these hollow and grunting niggas/This is business strictly, step to my business is risky

7.  
I thought I was ok/Realizing I made a mistake/I been doing some thinking/Ever since I saw you today maybe/I said some things that I didn't mean/Trying to change your ways/But my days ain't the same maybe you should've stayed

8.  
They say "they never really miss you til you dead or you gone"/So on that note i'm leaving after the song/So you ain't gotta feel no way about Jay so long/At least let me tell you why i'm this way, Hold on

9.  
If you should feel thirsty, I'll be sure to bring you water/Yes, girl I got candles that will slow burn longer/And I know your favorite love song/and how you like it on repeat/Me, I was born a patient lover/so I'll start with your feet

10.  
Baby Tomorrow I'ma hafta fight/Leaving at first light/And all I can think of is you/Baby I can hear you tryin not to cry/I'm afraid and I ain't gonna lie

I gotta do what I've been trained to do

11.  
I can't say it's easy/Feeling the way I do/I can't say it's simple/Being so into you (no no)/Some may say I'm crazy/I may say that's true/I can't think of nothing better than loving you

12.   You always messin' with those girls who go for your cash/'cuz you don't wanna learn/when you mess with those girls who go for your cash/you always get burned (Loose My Money Honey by Prince Raheim and Crazy Leggs - StoneColdBrown)

13.  
She's a Miss Beautiful Supreme/A girl that other wish that they could be/If there's seven wonders of the world/Then I know she's gotta be number one She's a girl that can't be beat/Born and raised on ghetto streets

14.  
You're telling me were cool but that just aint enough/'Cause everything that you do makes me want you more/Feeling that I have for you cant be replace easily/But you seem to think that you have the best of me

15.  
Imagine smoking weed in the streets without cops harassin/Imagine going to court with no trial/Lifestyle cruising blue behind my waters/No welfare supporters more conscious of the way we raise our daughters (If I Ruled the World by Nas ft. Lauryn Hill - StoneColdBrown)

16.  
Crafted and molded/Sculpted and folded/Designed to praise in everyway/Gifted with music/Anointed with lyric

17.  
It feels like the world is closin' on me/It feels like my dreams will never come to me/I keep on slippin' deeper into myself/And I'm scared, so scared

18.  
I know that you've been waiting for it/I'm waiting too/In my imagination I'd be all up on you/I know you got that fever for me/Hundred and two/And boy I know I feel the same/My temperature's through the roof

19.  
My man he don't love me he treats me oh so mean/My man he don't love me he treats me oh so mean/He's the meanest man that I've ever see

My baby wears high peg pants stripes are really yellow/Baby wears high peg pants stripes area really yellow

20.  
If I wasn't married to the streets, it would be you/Your lips, what make you so cute/Love when you poke yo mouth when u mad too/Save yo number in my phone under lil boo (Bust It Baby Remix by Plies ft. Ne-yo - StoneColdBrown)

21.  
I am known to stay awake/A beautiful world im trying to find/Ive been in search of myself/a beautiful world

Its just too hard for me to find/Said its just too hard for me to find

22.  
Mother, mother/There's too many of you crying/Brother, brother, brother/There's far too many of you dying (What's Going On by Marvin Gaye - StoneColdBrown)

23.   I believe any dream that I want to/That aint the only way of keeping hope alive/And if by chance I give birth to my visions/Life is so fantastic it will come as no surprise

24.  
First of all before it starts/Suave thicker than the Million-Man March/Khakis starched as I flow through the cut like Noah's Ark/Who's that slippin' in the dark



25.   Yesterday I woke up/With your head on my arm/My hand was numb/Circulation gone/But I dared not move the pretty sleeping one

So I get home today to find a letter from a law firm in Tampa.  The name rings a bell, but I can't quite remember how I know it. 

Then I remember.....Dannie and Char's case is coming up for trial next month.

Please God, don't let this be what I think it is......

"Dear Ms Hadder,
We represent the estates of Danielle and Charmane in the above referenced matters.  We are writing to inform you that you have been listed as a witness who may be called to testify in the trial on the above referenced matters."

I'm CERTAINLY not ready for that.......shoot, I can't even talk about that whole day in one sitting.  I've tried on here, twice, but it's just too much.

I hope I can get out of this..........but am I hurting Char and Dannie if I don't testify?  Ugghhhh...this KICKS ROCKS!

So, of course, my mind starts thinking about that day and that weekend and the following week.....and of course the tears start coming again.

**edit**
Here's a DDG pic, just to keep me smiling.

  
Rai, Char, C-lah, and I
December 2004

Clearly, my body is telling me things are changing.  I don't know if it's because of the changing seasons (I abhor the fact that it's still cold in MAY) or because I averaged about 2.46 hours of sleep per night last week.  All(s) I know (I snicker every time I hear someone put the 's' on the end) is this sh!t ain't cool,  yo.

This is the week I was cleared by my podiatrist to start wearing a flat, hard bottom dress shoe.  I finally got to wear the other silver metallic flat I bought pre-surgery.  My foot, rather the right side of my foot, is still a bit swollen and all of the feeling hasn't returned so I expected some stiffness still and whatnot.  What I did not expect was to see the right side of my foot spilling over my shoe.  

I had muffin top on my foot.

Not a good look.  I need to be back into my fabulous shoe collection by JUNE!!!! Ugghhhhh.....

**edit**

And I have twin coldsores sprouting.  I think I'll name them MaryKate and Ashley for obvious reasons.....